I’m Not Afraid of the Dark

I’ve cleaned my house from top to bottom, designed an exercise schedule, and created a daily plan. The gardens are next and the car will finally get the detailing it so desperately requires.
But all of this is just a welcome distraction from the real work required at this time.

In my young (and not-so-young) adult years, I chose partners that validated this belief of never being quite good enough, and the loneliness just deepened.
The past 8 or 9 years has well equipped me for this internal journey. I’ve all the tools, techniques and strategies required, but it doesn’t make the work any more appealing.
It would be very easy to whitewash, affirm and “love and light” myself into a happier place; but that isn’t how emotional intelligence works. It’s not all unicorns farting rainbows and pretending the darkness doesn’t exist.

That you can feel, process and release, no longer carrying that weight around with you.
Being emotionally intelligent doesn’t mean there isn’t struggle; it doesn’t mean you don’t feel the big, uncomfortable and hard-to-process feelings.
It’s allowing…..
Allowing these feelings, giving them permission and resting in them. It’s finding the lessons and learning, embracing their uncomfortableness. And it’s not trying to run.
Not trying to distract, with wine, or tv, or shopping. It’s not projecting on to those around you, and asking forgiveness when you inevitably do. It’s knowing that it isn’t forever, and the less I fight, the more allowing I am, the shorter the journey.

The spring sun always feels warmer when the winter has been its harshest…

Much love
Deanne x
Trinity Kids Australia